Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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