Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
