His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
