pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize