the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
