If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
