I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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