I'm going to jail i love you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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