At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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