Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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