Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
