Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
