the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
