Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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