I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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