How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
