My nipple is on Facebook.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
