Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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