no. you can't hotbox the world.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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