You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize