I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
