Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
