I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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