I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
