I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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