So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
