Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
