i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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