I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
zippers are such a cool invention
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
