And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
