New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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