we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
