after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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