so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i think my cat just said my name.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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