I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
