There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
