Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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