maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bring me that man meat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
