my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
