i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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