Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
