I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
