so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
