this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
