Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
