I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
