talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
