oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
