not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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