There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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