We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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