Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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