well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sober January is a disaster.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
