Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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