Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
