just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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