just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
