Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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