so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize