Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
