He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
