Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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