he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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