Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
