I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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