The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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