I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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