I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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