Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
