The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
