Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
