I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize