The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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