She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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