so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
