I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When did angry sex become our thing?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
