He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize