My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
