all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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