I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize