Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
