How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
