is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
