You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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