I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
