Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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