I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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