tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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