i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize