Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
