Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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