Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
