He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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