Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
