So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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