so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
