doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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