Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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