While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
