you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You're like the curious george of whores
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
